I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
