Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
