i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
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you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
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I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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