I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
