I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
