you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
