I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
