we have pet lesbian snakes
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
