Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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