turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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