I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
