Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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