I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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