I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
