i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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