Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
