I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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