so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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