just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
