she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Operation Purity has been aborted
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
