who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
