She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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