Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
