Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
