First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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