I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
