Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The beer is more important than you right now.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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