I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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