Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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