My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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