Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
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She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
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I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman