Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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