how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
