Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
