For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
