She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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