What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
