I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
