he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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