she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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