Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
