i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
