remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
