Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
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hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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