so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
