Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
