Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
