i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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