I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
