now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
