apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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