Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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