there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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