The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
