I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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