I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
