you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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