Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Randomize
