there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
