My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
