i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
