did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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