Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
