Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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