Your mouth is God's brothel.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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