You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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