It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
