Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
