Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
