Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
