Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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