walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize