you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
