3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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