I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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