i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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